An Introduction to the Website and Webmaster

So this friend of mine, who I've variously thought was abducted, incarcerated, institutionalized, or just dead over the years since I regularly hung out with him in the late seventies, comes to me and says he's got a confession to make. He wants to explain to me why he's always disappearing. I figure this'll be another one of his stories, one of the little mysteries he's dreamed up to irritate me a little bit more when all I want, really, is to drink a beer with an old friend. At any rate, I knew it would be good for a laugh. So I tell him to go ahead.

"I've been in this band sort-of-thing, touring, recording... the whole deal... since about 1979. Sometime in the summer."

This is how he starts his confession. This is what he wants me to believe will explain all of his strangeness. So I listen, and he tells me a lot of stuff about this band called Halaka, who I've never heard of, and how all the members hide their identities, make up fake names, and make noise together. When he gets done, while I'm still trying to decide whether or not he's full of shit, I ask him, "So why are you telling me? And why are you telling me now, and not twenty years ago?"

"I want you to make us a web-site," is his response.

"I don't make web-sites," is what I tell him.



So let's assume I go along with this guy. Let's assume I figure out some crap about web-pages, make some "official" site about this band Halaka, who I've never heard of. What the hell do I put on a web-site about a band who lies about their history, who (he tells me) records more albums in a year than most bands record in a career, who makes up four-times that many stories about those albums, and who actually don't EVER release any of them, but instead leak "bootlegs" out to fans who (he says) are all over the world, so that they can all hear various versions of the same music, some of it so different from other versions as to be not the same thing at all?

And let's assume that this guy says to me, in answer to all of my questions (because, like he knew I'd be, I'm interested as hell in all of this, though more than a tiny bit pissed that, if he's telling me the truth, he's kept me in the dark for so long,) "I don't care what the fuck you put on the site. I trust you. Just don't use any real names, not even your own, anywhere." And then, opening this box that's been between us since he got here with it, he

says, "And listen to these; at least some of them."

In the box, of course, is a pile of cassettes, CDs, vinyl, and even a couple of 8-track tapes. Some of them were obviously printed professionally, and some of them have hand-written labels.

"Well," I say, after digging around for a bit, "first off, I haven't had an 8-track player for fifteen years."

"Those two suck, anyway," he says. I notice that the labels on them, both looking professionally printed, say Motherload. "Oh, yeah. We're not always called the same thing," he tells me when he notices my puzzled look.


So let's assume I made these pages. I talked to seven guys, a couple of whom I'd already known through my friend, Lacky Daisical (he didn't care when I told him that had to be the DUMBEST made up name I'd ever heard.) All of them are part of what is currently called Halaka. There are others who've been in and out of the group, but I haven't talked to any of them yet. There's one guy who's apparently affiliated with the group, Kingo Sleemer, who I haven't talked to. He's their voice on the web, and i'm thinking he could be Lacky's online persona. This thing's supposed to be constantly in progress (the first constant I learned about web-sites,) so maybe I'll talk to some of those other guys sometime. They tell me there have been some girls, too. I haven't met any of those yet, either.

I figured out what was on the web already - a few fansites, some old and rarely updated, some more recent and dynamic - and I decided on some content that might be of interest to anyone who's already a fan, and some that might help to introduce others who are unfamiliar with them.

If Lacky made all of this up, he sure went to a lot of trouble to make a lot of music, and to find a bunch of people who would claim to have seen them live over the years. Don't get me wrong - I don't put anything past him. This wouldn't be the first fantastic fabrication to come from him. Either way, the music's there, some of it's god-awful, if you ask me, and some of it I'd go so far as to call genius.

By the way, I'm Mitch. I'll be your host. If you have any comments about any of this, you can send them to me in an e-mail. And in case it's not clear from what you've already read, though this is the "official" Halaka site, sanctioned by the band, it's basically just my own take. I've tried to be fair, and I've tried to be comprehensive. But I'm still on the outside looking in, and there's a lot to see.

Is this your charming bilberfork?
I don't believe we've parped

Is this your charming bilberfork?
I don't believe we've parped